Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Back to Reality

I am home from vacation and back into the swing of things with doctors appointments, basketball camp and birthdays.  We got home late Saturday evening.  I spent Sunday doing laundry and unpacking, none of which are finished.  I'm bummed that I didn't finish because yesterday morning I had round three of chemotherapy. It seems like every time I have chemo, the fatigue hits me harder and faster.  When I got home from treatment yesterday I was useless for the rest of the day.

I felt a little rebellious yesterday, walking into the cancer center with a bald head.  I have never seen anyone else go bald there.  They all wear hats, wigs, or scarves. It kinda surprises me.  In Tahoe I got used to going bald.  But as soon as I got home I got uncomfortable with it.  Sunday morning we were getting ready to go to church and I started to get anxious about it.  It's really silly but it's not even necessarily about showing my bald head.  It's about being bald and having people know that I'm bald.  I thought about wearing a hat but that didn't help things.  The fact is that people will look at me and know I have no hair....whether I'm covering it up or not.  I think that's why going bald and just getting it out there and making the statement on my own terms is easier for me.  It makes me feel like I have some sort of control over it...like I don't have to hide.

Today I go back to the cancer center for my $5,000 shot and then I'm off to my OB.  I'm planning to hear that my placenta previa is completely resolved and I can start exercising immediately.  I am desperate for this news because while on vacation I gained 10 lbs.  Yes, TEN POUNDS in two weeks and I am very unhappy about it.  I am 27 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have officially only gained 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight but that doesn't take into consideration the weight loss from the mastectomy or the weight I lost at the beginning of my pregnancy.

I decided to post some pictures from vacation.  We had such a nice time.  The kids had the time of their lives catching crawdads, swimming in the lake, exploring the forest and climbing rocks with their cousins.  Watching my kids spend their vacation doing the same things at the same place I did them when I was a kid brought me so much joy...even though we went through an entire large box of band-aids.

Daphne, Ephraim and Tobias at 8am in North Tohoe
Daphne, Tobias and Ephraim
Ephraim, Grandma Daphne and my little Daphne

Daphne, Tobias and Ephraim
My family - minus my brother Thor's family and my step-son Sebastian
I'm telling Daphne to stop giving her cousin bunny ears.   It makes the picture perfect.
Tobias and Me

My sister Laura, my mom Daphne, my brother Nate, me and baby boy, my dad Al, and my sister Cyndi
The Raymond Family


  1. Seeing you in these pictures make me smile and happy because you are beautiful!!!! You look like one kick ass chick girl!!!! Beautiful and kick ass!!!!!! U go girl!!

    See you in less than two weeks!!!

  2. You are still beauiful Rebecca. An inspiration, and the most amazing person I've ever known. You're awesome lady.

  3. beautiful pics, especially of you!!!

  4. I have tears in my eyes seeing your vacation pictures and knowing that you are surrounded by such a great family! I'd never seen pics of your kiddos before--they are adorable! And you, Rebecca, are just amazing--hair or no hair! About half the time, I'd like to pull mine out anyway! I always thought that if I lost my hair, I'd go all out with Tina Turner, asian girl, bee hive, whatever!

    You are beautiful and really just glowing like a new mama should be! We are still praying for you on this end, faithfully. Hang in there, hon. Hugs! Lots of hugs!