Today we mourn the loss of my mom's cat, Shadrack. While I am not particularly fond of cats because any time I'm near them I can feel my airway tightening up and I get itchy eyes, my children have grown very attached. I went with my mom to take him to the vet because it was apparent that Shadrack was going to need to be put down. Stupidly, we allowed my 5 year old daughter to come with us. The vet came in to examine Shadrack and immediately felt a large mass in his abdomen. He tells us that he is pretty certain that Shadrack has cancer. My mom starts crying and says, "Well, we know about cancer." She points at me and says, "My daughter just had her breast removed because of cancer and she's pregnant." I immediately change the subject back to the cat and we talk about the cancer and what would happen if we didn't put him down. At that point, I look over at my daughter who has her hands covering her face and is leaning against the exam table. She is silently sobbing. I took her out and sat in the car with her on my lap. She sobbed and sobbed. I asked her about how she felt. She said she was so sad that Shadrack was going to die. All I could think about was if she is relating the cats illness and death to my situation. The word cancer and death were used together. The death of a pet is traumatic enough. I don't want my children to have to worry about whether or not their mom is going to die.
Lots happened last week but I've been pretty exhausted and didn't feel like updating the blog. Last Friday I had two appointments. One appointment was with the general surgeon and she removed my drain. I was so happy to finally have it out but then quickly started to get nervous about what that means...the chemo can officially begin at any time now. After that appointment I went to my OB. She did an ultrasound and I got to see my beautiful and perfect baby. The OB was able to tell the gender of my baby and so I asked her to write it down and seal it in an envelope so that my husband (who was up in Northern California working at the time of the appointment) could be the first to find out when he got home in the afternoon. It's a boy!
Yesterday I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I thought he was going to begin filling the expander and give me a second breast but that wasn't the case. He did remove the stitches and set another appointment for next Thursday. Hopefully that'll be the day he will fill my implant. I also met with the oncologist. Since my drain is out, chemo will most likely begin next week or the following week.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 33 years old. My mom keeps asking me what I want for my birthday. I can't really think of anything. What do I need? I have everything I need. A husband who loves me and works hard to provide for our family, three beautiful, smart and talented children, parents who have put their comfort and peace aside to take my family into their home, sisters who are bending over backwards to do a fundraiser to cover my medical bills, friends who bless me with kind words and continuous prayers, and most of all I am blessed with a God who delights in giving me the desires of my heart. What more could I ask for?