Sunday, February 28, 2016


Four years ago I found out I was pregnant. My fourth child. I knew before I had even missed a period. I was excited. I was the healthiest I had ever been in my life.  I was running and doing yoga four to five times a week.  I felt amazing. I decided to have a home birth.  Two of my three previous births were done completely natural.  This one would be easy.  I found a midwife who started coming to my home to do my check ups. On her second visit she asked me how I was doing. I told her I was having anxiety.  I felt like something bad was going to happen. She asked about it.  I told her I knew it sounded crazy but I was worried I was going to have cancer during my pregnancy. Two weeks later I found the lump in my breast. 

Intuition is a powerful thing when we listen. More often than not, it is too hard to differentiate between fear and intuition.  As I have gone through the trials the last four years have presented me with, I have learned so much about myself and fear.  I have had to learn how to accept whatever life throws at me. (Just stating for the record that I have yet to learn how to not fear being vulnerable.  That's a whole different issue.)

Three months ago, as I was waiting for the results of the PET scan that would tell me for sure if cancer was yet again trying to kill me, I went in to my doctor's office. They took my blood pressure.  210/102.  I knew the news was bad.  The anxiety was so intense that I could barely breath. Two weeks ago, I had another PET scan. I went in to get the results. They took my blood pressure.  111/59. The results were good.  The treatment is working. My body is reacting just as it should. I am winning and I can feel it. 

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