I am officially done with chemo. I went to get treatment on Monday and met with my oncologist beforehand as usual. I told him about a new symptom I started experiencing this past week. My fingertips hurt. It's not the same kind of shooting pain I experienced before that would come and go. This time it feels like my fingertips got slammed in a car door and the pain doesn't go away. They throb and are numb and if I try to use them it hurts horribly. I can't really do anything with them that requires for me to pinch two fingers together or that requires me to apply pressure with my fingertips. I also have what looks like bruising underneath my fingernails. I didn't really think too much about it. I honestly have been trying to ignore it and with sick kids, it's not like I've had much time to think about it anyway. Well as soon as I told Dr. Kass about it, he got this pensive look on his face. He then informed me that I'm done with chemo. He's not giving me my 12th and final treatment of taxol. He said that the benefit of me getting that last treatment does not outweigh the risk of the neuropathy getting a lot worse with this last treatment. He said I've had enough treatment with the 6 chemotherapy during pregnancy and 11 more afterward. I was in such a state of shock when he told me this. I'm not very good with changes in the plan. I know I'm too black and white but missing number 12 just didn't feel right. I actually told Dr. Kass that he should go ahead and give me the treatment anyway because it's just pain and I can handle the pain. Silly... I know. I really trust Dr. Kass. He knows what he's doing. Besides, this pain in my fingertips is really inconvenient and I really would rather that it not last for months and months. So that's it... no more chemo... just like that.
I'm really looking forward to having a life again. I feel like now that I'm done with chemo I can get back to being me. I have gotten so worn down physically and emotionally that I couldn't even get excited to be finished with chemo. My sister asked me if I was excited to be done and I just sat there thinking about it and finally I told her that I am too tired to even know how I feel. I'm ready to move on from this place. Next stop... six weeks of radiation.
|Me and my wonder nurses|