Waiting

I am waiting... waiting to have a baby... waiting to start my next rounds of chemo... waiting to have scans done... just waiting.  It's hard to find something to blog about while I'm just sitting around and waiting.  I like to plan and I like action so this part of the process is a little bit frustrating for me.  

I had an appointment with my OB on Wednesday.  My little guy has turned.  He is now head down and in the correct position for a natural delivery.  I figured that he would get ready in his own timing.  I'm just hoping he cooperates and stays head down.  For the past day I've started experiencing a lot of pain in my pelvic area.  I think he has dropped and is putting lots of pressure on my girl parts.  He's getting ready and I can't wait to meet him.  When I see him I will finally be able (or forced) to decide on his name.  

I planned to have another surgery after delivery to remove the botched expander and have a different one placed (this time in the correct place).  I was told I would need to have the breast skin stretched before radiation in order to salvage that skin and not ruin it's elasticity.  I met with the new plastic surgeon and he is recommending a TRAM flap reconstruction.  This is where they take skin, tissue, and a muscle from the stomach and reconstruct a breast from that.  I'm not really sure what to do now.  I will have 3 to 4 weeks after the baby is born to nurse and the idea of taking one to two days off of nursing in order to have surgery is unappealing.  For right now I've decided to have the surgery after the baby is born to replace the expander in the correct position so at least I have options and later I can decide whether or not I want to mutilate the rest of my body in order to create a second breast.  

It's been so strange since the article about me was in the paper.  I have strangers coming up to me and telling me that they read the article.  It's awkward at times because I don't know what to say.  When someone says, "I read the article about you in the paper", do you say thank you?  Sometimes I just say, "oh" and then laugh uncomfortably.  Sometimes I say, "what gave me away, the bald head and the belly?"  

I can't really say I have a bald head anymore because my hair is growing.  It's not a full and thick head of hair but it's not just patches of growth anymore.  I was surprised because I had been told it usually takes a couple of months for the hair to start growing back.  What to do with my hair is another dilemma I've had to contemplate.  Am I just growing it back to have it all fall out again during the next rounds of chemo?  I think I'll just take my chances and hope it doesn't fall out again.  I'm looking forward to having hair again and not looking like a cancer patient anymore.

Daphne and me today at my nephews birthday party.  See the hair?