I am not a hypochondriac under normal circumstances but it appears I have become one. I have a cold and nothing has scared me more. I just had chemo on Tuesday and my immune system is at it's most vulnerable on days 7 through 14 after treatment. If I'm getting sick right now, what happens in two days when my system starts to really get weak? I have been taking my temperature every couple of hours. Part of the daily routine is to take my temperature twice a day even when I'm feeling fine. If my temperature gets to 100.5, I'm supposed to go to the hospital. I don't have a fever but I'm so afraid of what happens if I get one. I'm 32 weeks pregnant. My baby is nowhere near ready to come out and that's what scares me the most. I need to keep my body as healthy as possible to provide this baby with a safe place to continue growing.
It feels so funny to talk about how much I love this baby. I can't see him but I love him with a depth that is indescribable. I am so proud of his growth and his ability to thrive in my messed up body. He is so strong. Sometimes the pressure on my ribs is so intense that I wonder if it's possible for him to break one and it delights me. I'll miss being pregnant. This is my last time. You'd think I'd have had enough of it by now. I haven't and I will cherish every moment of this final 7 weeks. October 31st is approaching too quickly. Then again, it's not coming quickly enough because I can't wait to see his little face and to know for sure that he is healthy.
I know these probably aren't the right words to say but don't be afraid if you have a preemie. It'll be unfortunate, with all of the other things you have to be worried and scared about but he will be fine. My sone was born at 33 weeks and I was scared to death. Just three days before he was born I'd had an amnio that said his lungs weren't fully developed yet. My worst nightmare was to give birth and have him be put on a ventilator. He came out screaming like a banshee and it was the most glorious sound I could have heard. As soon as I heard him cry, I started crying. Your new little man is already a fighter.
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting the good fight. You are surrounded by love and stregnth. <3
Kelly
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Kelly. It's hard to accept the reality that I have no control over this. I want what's best for my little guy and wish I could force my will on my body and the situation to guarantee that the best is what he will get. That's the only part of being a mom that really truly sucks...not having all the control. :)
DeleteYou are not suppose to be in control! God is the blessed Controller of All Things. All things work together for Good to those who are called according to His Purpose. God loves you and your baby! Everything is going to be Good. He just wants You to surrender to His Will. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Lean not on your owm understanding. Acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and He will lead your path. I remind myself of these Words everyday! I am so proud of you. Continue to fight the good fight. Love, Aunt Cheryl
ReplyDeleteRebecca,
ReplyDeleteI too was worried about my baby when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and pregnant. It is amazing how God gives strength to our babies! Continue to talk to your son and I guarantee there will be a bond that will amaze you! The doctors wanted to terminate my pregnancy but I searched until I found someone who determined he would be OK. My son was a week late because my cervix had difficulty dilating but a 9 lb baby was born naturally without any meds and healthy! Tell your son to hang on and fight because he has a family who loves him and waiting to share his life. Cherish this time - only you and him. Don't give up - fight for your child. Yolanda Mowad
Thank you, Yolanda. I will cherish every moment with him both while he is still inside and when he comes out. :)
DeleteRebecca, you should check out our podcast from the church we are now attending. I was thinking of you when our sermon last week was on worry. Soo good.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.theransomchurch.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=31&Itemid=49
Thinking of you and finally got your box of baby clothes, etc off to you today. Love you, prayers for feeling better!!
Thanks, Angel! I got the box of baby stuff today! You are such a sweetie! Thank you so much! Love you, girl!
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